(Andrew Jalali Photograph)First let me be perfectly honest! I am not the best mom on the planet. I yell (alot), I ground, I do not let them watch TV during the week. I don't think they should be involved in adult conversations, and I really enjoy my alone adult time (no kids!). I want the strongest relationship to be with Honey, because let's face it, they will eventually grow up and move out! My mother once told me, if a couple can get through the kid years, the rest is cake. We are two down and four to go.
But, on the other hand we spend a great deal of time in family bonding! We have dinner together and a big family breakfast on Saturdays. We go to movies, the gym and walking as a family. We coach their sport teams and when they know it all, we sit on the sidelines and watch. (You would be amazed at the number of parents that don't!) We say goodnight/good morning with kisses and love yous. We text it and hug alot!
I make them mind their manners at restaurants and when we go to people's houses! (Don't embarrass me and I will not embarrass you! Don't be a pig, don't take the largest or last piece of food!) I am a stickler about table manners! I mean I am tough, I still remind teenagers to remove arms from the table, chew with mouths closed, no talking with food in their mouths. May you and will you (with please). I don't like loud.
I can't help it. I want to be that relaxed mom. But I can't. I can only think that I have to teach them to be adults that function well in society! I do not want them to think it is always someone elses fault. I mean, really? If people were honest with themselves, whatever it is, you usually contribute to the problem. I want to be that mom, I envy those moms. My sisters tell me all the time, they cannot believe I actually yell at my kids. But they do not have teenagers. But they probably won't yell even then. I envy them also. Because their kids are really good kids. My kids are good also, I'm just really tough on them. But they never leave the house without me saying I love you. (Ok, usually it's love you!)
They do have a balance because Honey is that Mom. Well, a little tougher then that mom but not by much. We are good cop, bad cop! Guess who is who!
My dog on the other hand...is a tyrant! Because I don't have to release him into the world, to survive out there without me. He just has to sit on my lap and be cute. That's it. He has some manners, and I still don't like loud. But he can be awful and it's cute! (Not to Honey, just to me. Again, my dog!)
I hope this all made sense. It was in my head and I wanted it out. I love being a mom. I just wish I was a different one.
Very well written, we are quite alike, I've found it impossible to eat a meal without reminders. I know it will pay off:)
ReplyDeleteComing by through SITS!
ReplyDeleteI understand the yelling! We all do it even if we don't admit it. Maybe consider the reasons why you are yelling? Over tired, irritable, etc.
This has helped me on many occasions and realize that sometimes you are ENTITLED to yell! Yup, sometimes you are. Allow yourself to be human with human emotions and moments.
Love you! =)
ReplyDeleteYour (yells but yells less than you do)Sister
did you realy take all those pics? awesome!!
ReplyDeletethanks for commenting on my steroids post. I knew it was a topic that not many people would be interested in, but i'm a huge sports person so I had to vent about it!!
I want you to know that your the kind of mom that I pray will bring in all of my patients.
ReplyDeleteYour kids are the ones that are a JOY to evaluate and make my job feel meaningful daily.
Their good behavior and respect for adults and cooperativeness are the things that they can only learn from you, and when I get a parent with children like yours, I thank them and praise them.
Because its so RARE!. So many parents have no structure and no control and are so worried about being their kids 'friends' that they get walked over and they just say to me ahead of time "my kid won't do that'. Awesome..
Thank you for being the mom you are and for teaching your kids those important values that will make them great adults, great employees and great parents themselves!
THANK YOU!
As my parent's used to remind me regularly, they were not there to be my friend, they were to be my parent - teaching, coaching and, yes, correcting. Today, they are my friends because their "job" is done.
ReplyDeleteI look at it this way. You are raising your dog to behave with you. You are raising your kids to behave in the world.
I think you are doing a great job! They will appreciate you all the more for it....but not for a long time!! :)
ReplyDeleteyou sound like a great mom to me. my children are all grown now and they are great people but i wish i had been a bit stricter with them and taught them better manners. have a great day
ReplyDeleteYou are doing a great job. It's about boundaries. All children need boundaries. Too funny...I just scolded my 3 year old for running his match box cars along the wall...no joke!
ReplyDeleteAnyways, you are thinking of their future as adults. They will thank you one day. My DH and I tend to do the good cop/bad cop thing too. As long as we don't undermind each other, it works. Great post!
It made perfect sense! You sound a lot like me.
ReplyDeleteI yell a lot too, I have very little patience and sometimes I tend to be too harsh with discipline.
ReplyDeleteWe do the best we can do...they still love us, regardless!
I agree, I take great pains to instill manners and good behavior in my kids. I see servers wince when myself and three small kids come in but they visibly relax when they see this Mom making sure they are well behaved. Maybe I am a little strict but I believe it will and already is paying off.
ReplyDelete